YARD SALE – Saturday, April 25, 2015 – I should be sitting here with $100.00+ in my pocket, my big bucks reward from a yard sale. But it didn’t happen that way. My pink Capri pants have empty pockets except for lint and a Walmart receipt for my purple petunias and bell pepper plants. All of the stuff piled in my second bedroom plus the bicycle in the shed should be gone with folks who would be bragging about their steal-of-a-deal prices. The plan was an early, early start. Unbelievably, I woke up at dawn. The wailing tornado sirens could have been responsible for jarring me out of my comfortable bed to lightning, heavy winds and thunder, not to mention the heavy rain. No yard sale on Saturday! I shouldn’t count my chickens before they hatch, or order new shoes expecting the wise Ben Franklin on folding money to pay for my pretty new Sketchers. I had to grab the opportunity and place the order before they were gone!
“To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions.”
“Beware of little expenses. A small leak will sink a great ship.”
Last night I was pricing two of Jim’s perfectly fine suits at $5.00 each which he could wear if he would give up second helpings of the good food he cooks. Luggage that made it to France and back in the hands of Air France baggage handlers is waiting in the bedroom with no place to go, marked at $5.00 each. I starched and ironed shirts and stuck on 75 cent labels. Normally, no one could pry me from my easy chair to iron a shirt on Friday night for a paltry 75 cents! But people are not normal when they have a yard sale, or when they go to one.
“We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.”
I was amused to read about an Englishman who threw a big sale after his divorce. He said his neighbors were suddenly blind and came to him asking stupidly, “How much do you want for this?” despite the fact that a red-lettered sticker plainly stated the price. He kept going on with the hagglers until he was fed up. One customer stood there trying to offer money to him when he announced to the group, “Take it! Take ALL of it!! I don’t want the money. Just take the stuff and leave.” Reading this as preparation for our great sale, I knew not to go completely bonkers, but Jim does not read this helpful information. Why read when there’s always another Star Trek show to watch? That’s his motto. Live long and prosper and arrange a thunderstorm on his wife’s yard sale.
The French yard sales are not usually a single family deal. The vide grenier events could be spread through the center of small villages, or across a field in the country. I check the information on vide grenier (which means empty the attic) on the computer before and during my visits to France. I also look for signs along the road and visit tourist bureaus for the latest information. Some of the happenings have clothing, toys, household goods just like American yard sales, but their junk is different than our junk. Starting with the language difference, what manufacturer would sell a little girl’s bike with the name Pukey in pink letters and glitter? I didn’t keep notes on the exact names on the toys and other goods, so I’m making up the Pukey name, but many of the names had unusual and funny meanings in the English language. It was great entertainment while I was sampling the cheese and finding bargains! The vide grenier will often have grilled meat, drinks and even dessert for sale. It’s great fun to take a seat, eat a bite and people-watch.Maybe I could talk Jim into cooking hamburgers and hot dogs on the grill at our yard sale. More money from the food venture could pay for another pair of shoes!
“You might be a redneck if you’ve ever barbequed Spam on the grill.” – Jeff Foxworthy
Good stuff with low sticker prices is cluttering up my second bedroom like the Ann Taylor heels that I wore to my youngest daughter’s wedding. I’m figuring if any of my children get married, or re-married, at this point I will wear Dr. Scholls. Back in our tool shed is a like-new bicycle only used once by a little old man who prefers watching Science Fiction instead of zipping around our neighborhood. I asked Jim, “Could you check the weather for next weekend and see if we can schedule our yard sale again?” He said, “Could I just pay you not to have this sale?” I thought a minute and replied, “How much?” His offer was $50.00, and I turned him down. Upping the amount, he said, “How about $100.00?” Remembering the charge on the credit card for the shoes that would arrive on UPS next week, I gave in and accepted his deal. Thinking about the cash in hand, a minute later I asked, “Wait a cotton-picking minute! Where did you get this money? It didn’t come out of my top drawer, did it? Jim??!! Come back here!!”
Ben Franklin says: “Get your copy of – CLICK HERE A French Opportunity! – It’s the best book on France written by a lady from Opp, Alabama.” Totally conjecture, but after a tall glass of iced tea and a plate of Jim’s barbecue I’m sure he would agree.
“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.”
― Benjamin Franklin